AustLit

'I Say Let's call Australia Day 'Caveman Day' and Steve looks at me and says what, cunt. Then he tilts his head back and laughs and I guess it's a joke because he gets up and asks what I'm drinking. I tell him a Carlton and he brings back two double Jack and Cokes. He leans in and whispers you know who I fucking hate and I stay silent and he says them fucking panheads. Then the girl next to us starts laughing like she's shocked even though they've been dating for two years and he says yeah, them fucking panheads. You know why they call them panheads? I look around and wonder if anyone is going to guess and no-one does and he says 'cause it looks like someone hit them with a fucking shovel... or a pan... in the head. Several people grunt but it might be a tinnie opening, or a burp, and I'm wondering what will happen if I order a soda water with lime. There's more chatter between the boys and someone calls someone else a faggot and punches them in the penis. It's probably 40 degrees and apart from the smooth lime taste, that carbonated refreshment, the real reason I want a soda water with lime is because I'm terribly dehydrated and hydration is an essential component of the human body. I'm looking at the bar, or at least what I think is the bar, but I can't really tell because I'm as blind as a bat without my glasses and my eyes are allergic to contacts. At work last year one of the boys slapped me on the back and said hey, four eyes. What you wearing those things for? What are ya? A pussy? And I said no and then put on an accent and said I was playing a joke, wasn't I, heard there's some new kid coming who wears glasses. What an idiot, ha ha. He started grunting and told me I was a classic which is good because now I don't get picked on but I literally cannot see a thing without my glasses...'  (Publication abstract)