AustLit
So, in one way, I’m grown up. Well grown up. The other way; the way that has become most important – daily, I’m growing up.
I’m learning so much. I’m learning loads – and there’s a sense of urgency because, as I said in the other day, I am, in fact, getting old. My white hair has started to come. Enough that the other day I posted how it’s like seeing starlight in my hair – a new distraction.
Denial – “Yes we are. No we’re not”.
Things slip in – more things – then nothing – then really full-on things.
She’s been telling me things since well as far back as I can remember. I can repeat it all and do, over and over, to whomever wants to get into it.
“Who’s your mob, your family, where are you from”.
So … it’s always been there. I’ve always known. But others say I’m just making it up because I’ve worked on a community.
But they never asked … before. Before I started, a decade ago, to try and publically own it.
It becomes an imperative … when you just about die in a foreign country of brain malaria. And a voice says: “Get home! “OWN IT no matter what anyone, even your mother, might say.”
So I got home and, tentatively, reading the audience started to say: “Well, I’m a “bit bit”, you know. A half-caste … well sort of. We’ve Stolen Generations heritage – it’s mum’s story.
Then (connected to those dingoes I found strung up on that tree swinging there tied with all effort by wire…..near that Irwin property). Those two beautiful old ladies on the border of NSW and Qld saying: “Look love, you either are or you aren’t. Own it.” Cranky but so very friendly loving and entertained.
So I do. And since so many mob of so many nations recognise me and ask directly who my family is ...
And I circle back to the “I don’t know …” To the story of being taken, fostered, maybe not even actually really ‘formally’ adopted.
“Unusual for the times – a widow couldn’t do it now let alone then”.
So … “Why don’t you “do the welcome”? Could you?”
Well, I can’t ….yes I’ve been around here and come back for, like ever, but it’s not where we’re from … my mother’s side.
“So, why don’t you hang out with the Co-Op crew? Like R n C – they’re awesome, they do so much for their culture. They’re Aboriginal!”
Well, I’ve learnt so much of my learning away from here. Because, as the old people said – I’ve gone out to them to know how to see everyone back here. All the shades.
And they weren’t wrong – my joyful grinning (like the proverbial idiot) on that train in Perth that morning. The spectrum of skin tones – that fucking protector – blood quantum. On it goes and I was about the middle. My happiness at so many visible Aboriginal people. Almost laughing I was ... in joy ... out loud.
But then I stopped smiling because no-one else was. In fact the vibe was heavy, sad – it wasn’t/isn’t good to be visibly Aboriginal on a train in Perth.
So, as I said, I’m still growing up and fast – culture way. As Aboriginal in Australia. I’m learning so much, how to speak many languages, at least the hellos and goodbyes to start. I’m learning my enthusiasm – despite a pretty underprivileged and difficult life – is the same as every Aboriginal person I meet across the ages. Happy resilience.
Enthusiasm for life, knowledge, learning, being. I’m learning so many stories from seriously ancient to how that mob got that whitefella name like Smith or Brown.
I’m learning directly from the land and all the other living beings we share it with.
This is me. Now growing up Indigenous in Australia. Every day, all the time, when the dominant settler paradigm backs off, dissipates, and lets me … be … WHO I AM.
(Postscript: Recently, after writing this my mum blew my mind and had a unprompted conversation with me, which I wish I had been recording ... I told her that, she laughed she knew I wasn’t, so much said…amazing stuff connected to ancient knowing…..then almost denied again by the end.)
This story is dedicated to Gulpilil who told me to get on and write it down…..well finally I’m making a start…see. And to recently flown Kuracca (Aunty Kerry Reed-Gilbert) … with sadness I didn’t get to show you this.
Image Credits and description:
Salmon Gums at sunset in the Western Australian wheatbelt near Bruce Rock, WA. 1981. |
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Date | |
Source | http://www.scienceimage.csiro.au/image/4429 |
Author | Willem van Aken, CSIRO |
Permission (Reusing this file) |
http://www.scienceimage.csiro.au/pages/about/ |
Rights holder | CSIRO |